Layers

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐆𝐆𝐋𝐄, 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐍 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐓𝐇 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐉𝐄𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐖𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐛𝐲 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐡𝐞𝐩𝐬 (𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐛𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏) Many life journeys and personal stories are recorded in ‘Layers: Personal Narratives of Struggle, Resilience and Growth from Jewish Women’, but in order to explain what this book represents, I want to begin with the last story – not only because I truly wept when I read it, but because it contains a number of insights which, whether intentionally or otherwise, also describe the unique embrace created by Shira Lankin Sheps in the ‘The Layers Project’. The story, told by Adena and titled ‘Keeping the Fire Alive’, describes her relationship with her mother who made Aliyah from Long Island to Efrat with her second husband in 2000 – notwithstanding the fact that the second intifada had already begun. As her mother explained at the time, ‘we need to go and give chizuk. This is the best time to go!’. Tragically, just around six months later on what was Isru Chag in Israel and 2nd day Shavuot outside of Israel, while driving in a car near Neve Daniel with her husband, son and two ‘trempistim’ (hitchhikers), another car suddenly sped towards them and its terrorist passengers then shot at them. Adena’s brother and step-dad were injured, but her mother (Sarah Blaustein) and a 19-year-old bat sherut (Esther Alvan), who had hitched a ride, were both killed. At that point, Adena was at home in Long Island enjoying Shavuot with her family. However, she was soon informed by her father of this terrible news. From that moment onwards, a flurry of activities took place in order to bring Adena to Israel in order to bury and mourn her beloved mother. Yet it was when Adena arrived in Israel (where, it should be noted, she has since moved), that she describes something so sweet and so bitter that I am overcome by just writing about it: ‘When I walked outside to go to the funeral… the streets were closed. The police, army, press, and tens of thousands of people swarmed all over the streets of Efrat… I have visions still of the massive banners that the Bnei Akiva kids had put up lining the streets, supporting us and loving us… We didn’t know this part of what it means to live in Israel. We didn’t know how people bind together to love and support strangers, our brothers and sisters. We wondered, “Who are all these people? How do they know us? Why do they love us?” They told us, “Everyone here is here for you. We are here to support you.”’ As Adena continued, “there really is something powerfully transformative about being in a certain place and the comfort that it can bring you.”’ I decided to begin this review of ‘Layers’ with Adena’s story because her words express – in such a powerful way – how the love, encouragement and support that someone can receive from a community can bring comfort, clarity and peace to even the most anguished of souls. As Rachel Hercman, who serves as the clinical director of The Layers Project magazine, explains in her Foreword: ‘in a world where social media posts can invoke judgement and conflict, almost every comment on our profiles has been validating, supportive and appreciative. Time and time again, our profiles have yielded a group embrace that has been overwhelmingly loving and kind. The most common sentiment we hear is the notion of people no longer feeling alone. They feel more a part of a group, more understood, and more connected to those around them.’ It cannot be overemphasised how valuable such an online community such as this can be, and especially since many of the issues discussed and shared in ‘Layers’ have unfortunately been stigmatized within and beyond the Jewish community. As Rachel Hercman explains, ‘this book is a resource for starting conversations and expanding our perspectives on the complexities of life’. To demonstrate this point I would like to share Nathalie’s story called ‘The Power of the Mind-Body Connection’ which begins by describing her journey towards becoming a ba’alat teshuva and her struggle with TMS. Yet, as Nathalie explains, in her attempt to ‘fit’ as a baalat teshuva, she had dismissed some core elements of who she was, and it then took a number of years for her to realise that by doing so, she had lost a connection to her authentic self. As she explains, ‘I hadn’t become frum because I didn’t like who I was. I did like myself. I became frum because I was seeking meaning and answers. Now I had to balance all these parts of me. I made a commitment to myself to never forget who I was and who I am, to never relinquish my personality, and to bring those vibrant parts to me wherever I go.’ Nathalie has 9 children, but four of them have since not chosen an observant path. Yet it is in considering who she is and what she wants for her children that Nathalie shares some precious wisdom: ‘I tell myself that I had children so that I could be a part of their chosen lives and be there for them as best I can. I may have dreamt of being a perfect family billboard, but I want to create independent kids, and that means that our family won’t match that perfect image. To us, though, our kids are everything. They are all deep, spiritual, beautiful, kind and loving. Whatever they do with their lives, we are going to be there for them.’ A very different story is told by Michal titled ‘Praying for What Comes Next’, where Michal expresses her yearning to have children and her attempts to have IVF as a single person – which unfortunately were not successful. Yet notwithstanding her deep longing to be a mother, Michal explains towards the end of her story that ‘at this point, God has given me parnasa and a beautiful life here in Israel and I am truly grateful for it…I have mourned and mended. I have moved on. I have returned to Mama Rachel (Kever Rachel) and I felt her there in all her glory; when I was able to pray at the kever, it felt like she was hugging me and telling me that it was going to be OK. I davened not just for me, but for my friends and family, and for all our good health. I prayed for all our dreams to be realized. For me, hope is not lost, it just took me time to see behind the clouds.’ Personally, I read that last sentence at least five or six times before moving on, because it contains the kind of deep wisdom which we know we should know, but which we rarely have the words to express. There are many other stories in ‘Layers’ too. I shed countless tears when reading Lisa’s story titled ‘Life is Too Short for Regrets’ which deals with pain, loss and renewal. Sewalem’s story titled ‘Waiting for You’ both inspired me and angered me – as Sewalem is still waiting to be reunited with her brother who is in Ethiopia. I remember taking a frightened deep breath when reading Devorah’s story titled ‘Face to Face with God’, and then feeling a sense of peace when reaching its conclusion. And Tamary’s story titled ‘Promises Made, Promises Kept’ left me sobbing for so many reasons. ‘Layers’ is an exquisite book which combines the courage and power of women sharing their stories within a supportive online community, with the lessons and wisdom that has been shared and can be drawn from each of them. Moreover, there are three further features of ‘Layers’ which also deserve mentioning, namely the stunning and impactful photographs which accompany each story, the ‘Reflections’ which follow each story, and the Index which is there ‘for those who are interested in reading about a particular topic, or for those who are looking to avoid certain topics.’